It’ s time to press CONTROL - ALT – DELETE

Now that you have decided to forgive, we can begin the process of reconciliation. This is where the decision we made in our minds catches up with our hearts. Forgiven people are forgiving people, and the strongest marriages are made up of two really good forgivers. We don’t always “feel” like forgiving, but we choose to anyway because we know we have been forgiven much!  Are you ready? 

Most people who have used a computer at some point will experience a malfunction due to a virus that has infiltrated the computer’s operating system. Or perhaps the screen gets stuck. Either way, you have no other choice but to reset the computer in order for it to start working again. By pressing CONTROL – ALT – DELTE, you are able to force the computer to turn off and reboot to its original operating state.

Sometimes we need a marriage reboot. Maybe resentment has caused the virus of bitterness to be released in your marriage, and you need a reset. Could it be that unforgiveness toward a betrayal, infidelity, or any breach of trust has released a virus so painful that you have detached emotionally from your spouse as a survival mechanism? Now you are drifting apart and even considering divorce. Perhaps it is the secret sin that your spouse knows nothing about or the thing you told them you would never do again, but you find yourself sick with shame because you can’t stop. Whatever virus has entered your marriage, we want you to know that you have more power than you realize to rid your marriage of it. It’s time to press CONTROL-ALT-DELETE.

Here’s how we press the reset button as we learn to put action to our forgiveness.

CONTROL

Let go of control. Let go of resentment. Resentment kills love in relationships.

ALT

Take an alternate route. Do something different. Reframe the way you see your spouse. Maybe if we reframed it and thought of it from the perspective, “I can motivate my spouse by saying … I can encourage them by doing …” that will give them the fuel they need as they work towards change. Go towards your spouse when you really want to run the other direction.  Go towards the pain you may feel, because on the other side is intimacy.

DELETE

It’s time to press the reset button and wipe the slate clean. First step is to acknowledge where you are still holding resentment towards your spouse. Get out of the cycle of resentment and shame and begin to believe the best about your spouse.

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There is a saying that time heals all wounds. I’m not convinced that’s true!  Hurts must be processed, and emotions must be acknowledged and felt before we can be healed. Forgiveness is given, but trust is earned. Believe the best and encourage your spouse to keep doing the next right thing. Progress over perfection is the name of the game.

Romans 5:8 says, “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (NIV) We were forgiven when we didn’t deserve it. We were forgiven when our behaviors had not changed yet, and we continue to be forgiven. As nice as it would be, your spouse is not going to change overnight. So commit to no judgement, no condemnation, and no shaming your spouse when they make mistakes. Your forgiveness can provide the fuel your spouse needs to continue to modify their behaviors and truly change.

In what areas of your marriage do you need to press CONTROL-ALT-DELETE to both give and receive a fresh start for marriage? This is an opportunity to press the reset button, wipe the slate clean, and become two amazing forgivers.  

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